How can I deal with this embarring phenomenon?

I serve as an elder at the church I attend, and from time to time I will be called up to give a message or teach a Bible study. During these times, the devil always afflicts me with a gas attack, leading to obvious discomfort and embarment while I am preaching my message. This also seems to happen during social gatherings and when I'm in a meeting with our pastor or other leaders of the church. Often, the rumblings from my gastro-intestinal tract sound like muttered swear words or like voices mocking Jesus. I am not the only one who has noticed this. I suffered an attack in an elevator at a conference I went to a few months ago, and one of the men in the elevator thought that he had heard me swearing at him and using an expletive involving the name of Christ. A sulfuric stench always accompanies these attacks and sometimes they can be extremely painful.

Fantasy Baseball Major Trade!!??

i would do it. russell martin has been underachieving this year and you already have an allstar catcher in geovany soto. you can pickup a decent utility hitter in the waiver wire since this is only a 6 man league. chipper jones is a great hitter and all, but his health is a concern; he's missed a few games now. david wright gives you production in every hitting category, so he's a top5 caliber player.

How do I install my RAM in my laptop? (Read Description)?

I already put it in my computer, but it's telling me that it can't use it... the default is 2GB, and i have 4GB installed... is there some BIOS setting i need to change.. or what? (A screen shot of my SYS INFO: a href="http://i499.photobucket.com/albums/rr352/KaleXD/Sysinfo.png)" rel="nofollow"http://i499.photobucket.com/albums/rr352…/a As you can see, it thinks my installed RAM is 4GB, but my total RAM is 2GB... please help...

Does the guy like me?

He says he likes another girl, but has not even dared to ask her out. I ask if he was going to ask her out and he said maybe and i have tried to help him, but didnt bother. Then i asked him are you going to sadies and he said that depends on a girl. and i asked him if a girl asked him, would he go and he said maybe. We talk a lot and he logs on aim when I tell him to. He holds my books and holds my things when i ask without complaining. Every times he sees me after 5th period, he tugs on my backpack to hold me back. We have known each other for too years and that has happened for while. He teases me and makes jokes, but one day when I was down, I told him to log on aim and he did. I told him to tell me that would make me laugh and he said "here is something that will cheer you up" and he tells me the jokes. He knows what annoys me on aim, but continues to do it. I have noticed he has been starring at me constantly since last year. Every time I would go get breakfast he would stare as if he thought I did not notice and when I come back he would continue to stare. Then yesterday I said I got chubby and he starred at me and said "you think your fat?"

Need help with this website?

I remember when I was little my older brothers looking at a website that was pretty gory. It was pictures of like train wrecks and stuff. Pics of people who got hit my trains and cars...... I remember one where it was a guy who was in a motorcycle accident. His whole face was smeared off. Then there was another of a little boy laying down in his bed and he hand was stuck in a metal (i think) pipe. Then it showed another picture of the pipe when they got his hand out. I barely remember the website and I was just curious what was on it. Do you think you can help me??

I can't lose him. Please help me. Ten points?

Why dont you give him your phone number instead of asking for his and go from there. If he doesn't call he might not be really interested.

Okay since that didn't help....?

Since I got answers that trashed the bible, I need examples of oxymoron's that are from works of literature such as nancy drew or one of edgar allen poe's poem or possibly the cat in the hat. whatever floats your boat.